We have started a new tradition of going once a month to a different church, so we can attend church together as a family. Usually we go to the Unitarian Church, but occasionally we make the trek down to Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. Today we attended their Divine Mercy choir Mass. Best. Decision. Ever.
So, as the heading suggests, I discovered I must have been in a Catholic Choir in a Cathedral in a former life because I adore chanting. The music was absolutely, powerfully moving. I could have stayed there and listened to that all day long and just soaked it in. I read this article once that said that some people get a certain rippling sensation that goes through your whole body when you are moved by music, they called it a musicgasm or something; There was definitely a lot of that going on today.
To be honest, I found the whole experience to be quite moving. The robes, the ritualistic aspect, the high, arched ceilings, covered in gold, the candles, and the incense. Seriously, there’s a decent chance I was Catholic in a previous life. All jokes aside, I Just really loved it, and it was nice to share a beautiful spiritual experience with my family.
Ricardo is still right at home there as well. There is a room dedicated to La Virgen de Guadalupe. It tells the story of Mexico’s very own Saint and the story of how Mexico converted to Catholicism. Ricardo commented to Andrew, “La Virgen de Guadalupe means a lot to Daddy, Andrew.” The Catholic runs strong in this agnostic, ex-Mormon lover of mine 😉
I hope to have many more spiritual celebrations in beautiful Catholic cathedrals.
Today reminded me of how Spiritual a person I am at my core. It may very well make the best sense not to believe. I have struggled through my shaken faith these last years so much because that truly does make sense to me. But my center, my core, thrives and flourishes listening to the choir sing in a gothic Cathedral on Divine Mercy Sunday. I feel like I am on fire, filled with light when I kneel on the altar in the LDS temple as I did so many times in my early married years. I have my struggles with faith now. I have my struggles with other things too. But honestly, I’m not a happy agnostic/atheist. I’m happier when I believe. I need spirituality as a central part of my life. And you know what, that matters a lot.
So next Sunday, and probably most the Sundays after that, you’ll find me at church. Doubting much of what is taught even, I’ll still be there, because I like the fire that often fills my being when I’m there. I’m a believer, even amidst my doubt it seems.
Do I believe? Yeah, I guess I do. What do I believe? Well, I guess I believe in a God, I probably believe in Christ, I probably even believe in prophets, Joseph Smith, and the Book of Mormon. Maybe I believe in Catholic Saints and Buddah too. I suppose my belief system is still a little…in the reformation stage, but I do think I believe. It feels good to say that. Why do I believe? Because it gives me purpose, happiness, and joy instead of depression, hopelessness, and stress. And you know what? I want to be happy.