At this point I want to explain that life wasn’t really as bad as I am portraying it to be. I am trying to illustrate the very difficult emotions I was dealing with in trying to cope with my husband’s decision to leave the Mormon church and my own growing crisis of faith. And the emotions I’m describing are true to what I was feeling. However, most of the time I was not really in this state of mind. In fact, I wasn’t depressed (which might be a miracle). I spent most of my time ignoring the things I was grappling with and just enjoying the rest of life. And lots of things were going really well. We had just bought our first condo and were enjoying being home owners. My husband had a job he loved and I did too (or I guess I had 3 of them lol). We had two cute dogs who we spent lots of time with at the park by our condo. I was having fun at work, enjoying my coworkers, and having fun dates with my husband. So even though there was a lot of negative emotion in me, there was also a lot of positive. Ricardo and I were trying to spend lots of time together and stay close to each other, and that was helping our relationship a lot.
Another thing that helped was all the support we received during this time. We both made really great friends where we were living at the time, and all those people were a huge support to us as we made this transition. We also lived close to a sister and a brother of mine, and they also were huge supports. My family members from all over took phone call after phone call from me and listened to me cry and complain about my situation, all in an effort to support me. People who had been through similar experiences bent over backwards to offer compassion. My parents and siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, bishops, pretty much everyone was extremely supportive to us during this time, and surprisingly non-judgmental with my husband and I.
One person in particular was the biggest support to me, my sister who lived only 15 minutes from me. Some part of me still believes it was divine destiny that we moved right next to her only a few months before Ricardo left the church, and we moved away right as I was starting to cope better. I just don’t know what I would have done without her, and she just happened to be right there right when I needed her most. She was able to offer me a tremendous amount of support in a way almost no one else was able to because of her own experiences.
I just am so grateful to her and all the others who offered us love, friendship, and support!