Now at this point I want to tell you a bit about my husband’s state of mind at this time. As he is reading about Mormon history and contemplating leaving the church, he begins reading stories of women who leave their husbands when the husband decides to leave the church. He begins reading story after story, with the same tragic ending. So when I say that Ricardo decided that “in order to preserve his integrity he had to leave the church” realize just exactly what that meant. Ricardo left the church knowing I might leave him. Knowing he might loose me, and the future we were starting together. But he refused to live a lie, so he decided to leave anyway.
It is also important at this point to talk about how my husband felt as he discovered the dark face of LDS church history, which can be summed up in one powerful word: betrayed. Ricardo had changed huge portions of his life to embrace Mormonism, and he did so happily because he truly believed in LDS church, or at least he believed in the version of the LDS church that was sold to him. But to have committed his life so fully to this religion, to have made promises in the temple and at baptism to God, and promises to me, and then to realize that the church had only told him half the story. Can you imagine the betrayal he felt? I can tell you that it hurt him deeply. Ricardo is an extremely loyal person, and it takes a lot to loose his loyalty and respect, but for Ricardo, the church had lost his respect. The Mormon church had lied to him, deceived him, and then asked him to give up his life and make binding promises–based on lies. And it hurt him deeply. And it hurt him to know how much he was hurting me. I know he wondered whether I would still be happy married to him, maybe he sometimes still does, I don’t know.